Blogs by Ella Fisher

Letting Go to Move Forward: Why Forgiving Others Sets You Free

I think we’ve all had those moments — when anger boils over, and all you can see is the worst in someone.
But what is forgiveness, really? And how do you do it? Is it always necessary? Or does it depend on the situation?

In this blog, I’ll take you through a few personal stories and share how choosing to forgive has helped me move forward in life.

A Lesson from High School

When I was in high school, I fell for someone — hard. I was completely head over heels, but since I was young and had no clue how to handle those feelings, I eventually decided to end it.
Unfortunately, that decision came with consequences. Without going into too much detail — let’s just say rumors started spreading about me at school, and none of them were true.

It really hurt. I held onto that pain for a long time and saw this person as someone who had intentionally tried to hurt me.
But how long can you carry something like that? Not very long, at least not for me — and honestly, I think that says something good about my character.

Years later, I looked him up on LinkedIn. I asked if he’d gone to the same school, and the very first thing he said was, “I’m so sorry.”
Now I know what you’re thinking — how did that go? 😊 Well, we’re both adults now, so he suggested we grab dinner sometime. And we did.
To my surprise, it was actually really nice! He wasn’t the same “boy” I remembered. He came across as warm and sincere — completely different from the version I’d built up in my head.

And that’s where it often starts, at least for me — in my head. I build stories that throw me off balance. Back then, that imbalance told me, “Warning: never let this person back into your life.”
But I’m glad I didn’t listen. I faced him — and more importantly, I faced myself.

He remembered a lot of details; I didn’t remember much. But it was good to talk it through. We still check in with each other every now and then, just to see how things are going.

What Forgiveness Means to Me

For me, forgiveness means accepting what happened.
That’s what I did in this situation. I moved on, but I also chose to face it — not just with him, but with myself. And that’s something not many people dare to do.

I truly believe you should always forgive others. Why? Because holding onto hate doesn’t make you a better person.
Positivity always wins, and forgiveness is a huge part of that.

Of course, there are extreme cases where forgiveness might feel impossible — like if someone committed a terrible crime. I don’t know if I could forgive something like that.
But what I do know, from my own experience, is that when you forgive, the anger stops weighing you down. You feel lighter. Freer.

Learning to Forgive Myself

For a long time, I was angry at myself — for messing things up, for making mistakes. Sometimes I’d get really emotional and replay those moments over and over again.
Call it being sensitive — I’ve got plenty of that, trust me haha.

I’m also the kind of person who takes the blame too easily, which often gives people the power to manipulate me, push my limits, or make me doubt myself and my worth.
But I’ve stopped doing that.

I’m lucky to have a best friend who’s incredibly smart, strong, and not as emotional as I am. She can be brutally honest, but her advice is always genuine. When I’m in a situation where I don’t know what to do, she helps me find my footing again.

If you don’t have someone like that, I get it — it’s hard. So here’s my advice (that I now follow myself):
Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve made mistakes — so what? Chin up, shoulders back, and keep moving.
Don’t let it drag on for too long, because staying stuck will only drain you mentally. And when that happens, it often affects your body too.

Sometimes that’s easier said than done, I know. For me, it usually takes my body sending me signals — that physical feeling of “okay, enough.” That’s when I know it’s time to let go.

And believe me — forgiving yourself is the most freeing feeling in the world.

My #1 Tip for Forgiving Others

If you ask me for my ultimate tip on forgiveness, this is number one:
Don’t take it personally.

That’s where it starts.
Then, grab a notebook and a pen (this helps me as a writer) and write down what the person or the situation did to you.
Next, shift the guilt — the one you usually put on yourself — back to where it belongs: the other person or the situation.

Now ask yourself the key question:
What does this say about the situation or the person?

That simple shift in focus can change everything.
Sometimes, you might even start to feel empathy for the other person — which makes forgiveness easier.
Or you might realize that the situation happened for a reason, and that reason helped you grow.

If you’re struggling to forgive, start with yourself.
Write down what you need to forgive yourself for, then spend five minutes each day telling yourself:
I forgive myself. I’m okay. I am loved.

Once you can do that, you’ll find it much easier to forgive others too.

If you’ve read my blog and have your own golden tip for forgiveness, I’d love to hear it.
Head over to my contact page and send me a message — I always enjoy reading your thoughts. 💌