Blogs by Ella Fisher

Confrontation: When Ella Meets Ella (And That’s Okay)

Sometimes life holds up a mirror—and not the flattering kind. Sometimes you’re faced with yourself. Your habits. Your reactions. Your limits.

I’m 41 now. And trust me, you’re never too old to learn something new about yourself. You’re never so far along that life can’t give you a serious wake-up call. I like to joke that I’m probably just past the halfway point of my life (statistically speaking), and yet, on Wednesday, July 16, I had one of those moments. A hard, no-nonsense confrontation—with myself.

And why do I mention that exact date? Because I don’t want to forget it. Some moments are worth remembering—especially when they show you why you do what you do.

Now here’s what went down.

The Boiling Point

I, Ella, can take a lot. I’m calm, patient, steady. But you shouldn’t test me. You shouldn’t play games. And you definitely shouldn’t make me feel like I don’t matter, or worse—dump your guilt on me so you don’t have to carry it yourself.

Believe it or not, even I have a limit.

With people I love, I try to be understanding. I give them time. I stay soft. But even that has an expiration date. And I’m not going to throw around phrases like “you don’t want to get on my bad side,” because honestly? That sounds dramatic. But let me put it this way: I’m a Capricorn through and through. If you push me too far—if you cross that final invisible line—I shut down. I’m done. And when that happens, there’s very little anyone can do to change my mindset.

That’s the real problem sometimes: people don’t know when to stop. When to quit poking, teasing, challenging, blaming, or pushing someone who’s already hanging by a thread. And just like everything in life has an expiration date, so does my patience.

When that moment hits, a few questions tend to rise to the surface:

• What the hell am I even doing?
• Why am I putting up with this?
• Who have I become in this situation?

What Is Confrontation, Really?

Honestly, the word confrontation carries a heavy vibe. But why? Why do we automatically link it to conflict or fighting?

The truth is, confrontation doesn’t always mean chaos. It doesn’t have to mean shouting or drama. Sometimes it’s about facing a fear. Sometimes it’s facing yourself.

Self-confrontation is the moment you realize you've outgrown something—or someone. Maybe you’ve been bending over backwards for everyone else, and now you’re completely buried. Maybe you keep letting someone blame you for something that was never your fault. Maybe you’ve been putting your own needs at the bottom of the list for so long, you forgot you even have them.

For me, confrontation means shifting perspective. It’s waking up. It’s seeing something you were avoiding and finally saying, No more.

Yes, it’s uncomfortable. But it’s also a turning point. A spark. Something inside you lights up and says: This stops now.

How Do You Deal With Confrontation?

Some people avoid it like the plague. They push it down. Distract themselves. Pretend it’s not there. And let me be blunt: I struggle with that type. I know it’s not kind to say, but I find people who chronically avoid confrontation... weak. In my experience, they’re often hiding something. And I can’t help but wonder—what good is that?

These are the internalizers. The silent holders of grudges, the ones who never speak up but let everything fester. And we all know how that ends—eventually it does come out. Sometimes emotionally. Sometimes physically. And not in a good way.

To all the internalizers out there: go to therapy. Get a coach. Take a course. Learn to deal. I say this not to judge, but because I truly want better for people. Bottling everything up isn’t noble. It’s toxic.

Then you have the exploders. The ones who let everything pile up until it bursts.

Guilty. That’s me. I wish I could say I’m proud of it, but I’m not. It’s not pretty. It’s not healthy. But hey—it does come out eventually. With me, there’s no mistaking it. I wear my emotions loud when I’ve hit that point.

I don’t sleep well leading up to it. My blood pressure spikes. My whole body tenses. And yes, I’ve learned to regulate it over time. I work out. I decompress. I talk things through before I hit the edge—well, most of the time. Growth in progress, let’s say.

And then there’s the third kind: the reflectors. The people who feel it, sit with it, think it through—and then respond. Not from anger, but from clarity.

That’s the ideal. And with people I trust—people who treat me with respect, like my best friend—I can be that person. I want to be more of that person. Someone who breathes before reacting. Someone who chooses their response instead of letting it explode.

So where do I stand? Somewhere in between.

Some situations call for an outburst. Others need calm reflection. But either way, I’m trying. Not tomorrow. Today. Not for perfection. But for awareness.

Final Thought

The truth is, confrontation isn’t the enemy. Denial is.

Confrontation is an opportunity. A reset button. A chance to choose better. Live better. Be better.

But before you can do that—you have to be willing to face it.

Even if it’s you that you’re facing.